Opinion: Don’t fear the clown price of fascism

One of comedy duo Mitchell and Webb’s funniest television sketches sees two Nazi soldiers worrying that the skull insignia on their caps might be sending out the wrong message. Enviously pointing out that the Allies’ uniforms have friendly lions and shiny stars, one anxiously asks the other: “Erich, are we the baddies?”

The British National Party heavies often tasked with protecting their pantomime baddie leader (boo hiss!) Nick Griffin could learn a lesson in self-awareness from those comedy Germans.

BNP members look like they should be BNP members. Forgive the lazy stereotyping, but you can spot one a mile off. Want the BNP look this spring? Simply combine a black leather jacket with a white shirt and black tie, then accessorise with dark glasses and a pained expression between cross and constipated and you’ll soon be putting the fashion into fascist.

Griffin’s goons are crying out for Gok Wan to revamp their wardrobe (before sending the half-Chinese style guru back to where he came from – the East Midlands). “Darrrlings!,” Gok might gush. “That dreary jacket is crying out for some sparkly gold buttons and a matching man bag.”

Oswald Mosley, founder of the British Union of Fascists in the 1930, may have been an equally drab dresser but he was reportedly pretty decent company when he wasn’t busy marching down Cable Street upsetting the neighbours in his black shirt. Catch him on a chatty day and he’d happily bang on about his new conservatory and the miles-per-gallon on his new BMW. Nasty Nick, however, is clearly someone to avoid sitting next to at a dinner party.

There is no possibility of him or any other BNP candidate winning a seat in Westminster. Family Guy’s Peter Griffin stands a better chance of becoming an MP. The natural reaction of all but 0.7 per cent of the British electorate is to recoil at the spite of a convicted racist. In fact the BNP’s presence at the ballot box is all the motivation most casual voters need to get off their backside and place a cross next to any other party.

Come election time BNP support may well hold up in Barking and Dagenham. They might even nudge the Tories or Labour into third place in Burnley. But their inability to offer any coherent policies beyond protecting the “indigenous British population who’ve lived here for 17,000 years” condemns them to Monster Raving Loony Party status.

Nasty Nick should swap his tie for a flower that squirts water.

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